Metaphormosificationifying.

Tanning in the spring is like Emily Dickinson's poems.

When it first gets warm, you start off by wearing capris, cause you're too pale to wear shorts right away. Hence "mailman syndrome," since mailmen seem to have no qualms about skipping this vital step and going directly into shorts mode, thus subjecting the innocent populace to their unsightly winter legs. Or, in the words of the aforementioned poet,

"The truth must dazzle gradually, or every man be blind."


The US presidential election is like rap music.

You know how rappers never want to do songs by themselves? It's always "Jamie Fox feat. T-Pain" or "Black Eyed Peas feat. Justin Timberlake." That way, each song gets twice as many fans listening to it -- all the fans from each artist.

Such is the way of the presidential election: someone may hate McCain, but they voted for him because they like Palin.


Our Latin textbook is like Looney Tunes.

You know how in cartoons, there's always a sledgehammer/stick of dynamite/anvil appearing out of nowhere? Apply that same thing to Daedalus and Icarus. Seriously. "Oh yes, here we are in the labyrinth, which was previously described as being dark, but here! I have feathers and wax and fire! And hey, look -- the roof is gone, so we can fly out!"

I can just see Icarus flying across a cartoon sky with a blissful expression until he realizes his wings have fallen off. Then he stops, looks out of the screen at you for a second, and falls straight down.